so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I fill condoms, not promises.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
