tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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