We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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