how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
