I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
