When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
