Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
