someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
