1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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