I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
