I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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