I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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