Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
