i already hear my dad disowning me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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