An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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