quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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