dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
