I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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