Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
