Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
