I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
