when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
