Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think my vagina is haunted
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
