That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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