i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
