Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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