lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is her dick bigger than yours?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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