Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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