I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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