you traded sex for a burrito?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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