I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There are leaves in my underwear?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
