I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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