So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
