so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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