He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
