Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize