if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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