We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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