Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
