So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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