$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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