put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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