Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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