cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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