Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
