It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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