ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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