Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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