how can u be prego again
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
50% drunk capacity currently
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
