Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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