i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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