are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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