I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
