and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
