i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I looked at my own cervix.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
