I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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