Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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