why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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