Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize