I faked an abortion last night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
