Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
