they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
