I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
