Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
