I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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