So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
