I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
