Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
