I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
