I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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