Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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