so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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